Growing up in a remote location meant that there was not a lot of people to compare myself with; and yet there were still plenty of people for me to feel inadequate and not good enough around. Not smart enough (because the one other boy in my class got higher marks), not fit enough (because my face became so so red after running even one lap of the oval) and definitely not pretty enough (because at year 6 school camp no one asked me to be their girlfriend)…
And then came boarding school… 5 kids in my school to 1500… Without dwelling too much off track and down the rabbit hole of my boarding school days; needless to say I was swamped by so much change and so many challenges around my identity.
I am proud to say that I did manage to stand out and shine my light in most ways that I was called to do however I still felt ‘not good enough’. I can distinctly remember that every year leading up to the school fete there would be auditions for the fashion parade. Never did I have the confidence to put my hand up, always did I want to feel worthy.
The path to my own self-love experience has not come from an outwardly appearance. It has stemmed from deep within my existence; from my soul to the connection with my creator and from the light I choose to see in every given situation. That light shone brightly in Sydney.
Sydney; the land of models, movie stars, makeup and plenty of scope for comparison… Entering an elevator a woman looked me in the eye and said ‘you are a beautiful woman, are you a model?’. Completely out of the blue and unexpected she said this and it did feel good. It felt even better to be able to stand there and not defect but to say thank you.
This got me thinking. 20 years on from high school, two babies and plenty of personal development later and I realise that the journey to worthy comes not from any external validations but from the self love you can choose to give to yourself. This isn’t always easy but it is abundantly necessary.
When the comparison gremlins creep in – acknowledge them AND choose again. Because you are worthy.